I took my granddaughter to a Rays – Royals baseball game last night at Tropicana Field in downtown St. Petersburg, Florida. We settled in to our usual seats and along about the second inning two young women, perhaps in their twenties, came along and sat in the seats two rows directly in front of us. I was watching closely. My granddaughter was not.
Both women were slurping and spilling beer all over themselves and the people around them. Of course they didn’t care as they seemed to be quite enjoying not existing anywhere but in a state of buzz.
One inning passed and the two got up and walked out. Oddly, about 5 minutes later two different women arrived and sat in the same seats. Both of these women looked to be about the same age and they also slurped beer and spilled it all over everything and everybody.
Puzzled, I leaned forward a bit and asked the guy sitting in front of me if my eyes were deceiving me and he assured me they were not and that the two new women were not the same two who had just left. I knew there were “features” about the second two that the first two didn’t have. (snicker, snort)
Another inning passed and the two women got up and left. At the top of the fourth inning two more and different women arrived with two guys and sat in the same seats. What was going on? All four were smashed out of their minds and the young men (I use that term freely) were obnoxiously drunk, loud and quite disgusting. When one guy began slapping one of the girls on the butt and tried to pull down her pants, that’s when my granddaughter had something to say.
But I really didn’t want to elaborate on filthy drunks who can’t seem to enjoy life with out help by artificial means. What I really wanted to tell you was that during the process of watching women get up and leave and others returning, seemingly better looking with each change and again possessing qualities that in some cases really stuck out, it reminded me of an old story I heard several years ago. It goes something like this.
Two farm boys from the northern reaches of (you insert your favorite Hicksville, USA) had to go to the city for a farmers convention. As such they had to stay in one of them big hotels downtown.
While the elder of the two farmers was checking in and registering, Clyde spotted some activity just beyond and to his right that just fascinated him. He left the area of the registration desk and walked over to the lobby where the elevators were located.
Clyde stood with his mouth mostly agape and watched. Soon an elderly woman, somewhat hunched over and walking with a cane, came along and pressed the button. The door opened and the woman got on as Clyde watched in sheer wonder, as he’d never seen an elevator before.
Within seconds the same doors to the elevator opened that the old lady got on and out stepped a very young, sexy, voluptuous blond woman. She walked right in front of Clyde, his eyes wide open and drool beginning to drip off his chin.
“Damn!”, exclaimed Clyde. “I shoulda brought the little woman!”
Tom Remington
