Photo From KC Star

33-2. 33-2 you ask? What is that? Are you giving pre-season wins to the Jayhawks or something? Nope, I’m telling you what the Jayhawks record is against that “rival” KSU since the founding of the Big 12. Think about that for a minute. 33-2. Seriously. Kansas State has beaten a team they ridiculously declare a “rival” twice, in the history of the league! K-State is falling all over themselves to fellatiate a coach with a winning percentage roughly equal to KU’s all time record. Again, think about that for a minute. Over more than 100 years KU has averaged what Frank Martin has done. Actually that’s being generous; Frank has won about 69% while KU has won 72%. Lets quit comparing numbers, it’s brutal.

But here’s the thing: If you were to ask any individual KSU fan about the historical slaughter they would claim, with a straight face, that KSU deserved to win every single one of those games! It’s like they live on a different planet where basketball is watched through an ignorance inducing purple prism. After each one of those losses, if by one point or 40, the angry, insecure, white, uneducated farm legions have risen up in protest.

“Can’t blame the cats. Tough to play 8-5.”
“Horrible out of bounds call by the officials. Looks like they finally remembered they’re supposed to help KU out.”
“Guess 5 steps isn’t a walk when it’s Sherron.”
“What foul?” (reference to the game saving strip at the end of regulation in Manhattan)

I’ve taken those 4 quotes directly from the Twitter feed of one of my good friends. In fact, he was the gentleman I had in mind a few weeks ago when I wrote that I knew there was at least one intelligent KSU fan. I can’t tell you why he went there, he’s not a farmer, but I will vouch for his intellect. But those quotes have come over the course of 3 games. One can make the assumption that he believes KU deserved to win none of the games. The point is, even the smartest K-State fan is helpless to do anything but complain. He wrote a post after KSU beat Nebraska explaining how KSU deserved a large foul shot discrepancy, but rest assured that exact theory could never be applied against the ‘Cats. As best I can tell it’s impossible for a correct call to ever go against the purple. If this is what the smartest 1% of KSU fans thinks, what can you expect from the rest? Take a look for yourself. Honestly, it’s sad. Uneducated Kansas State educated, and sad.

Never mind that K-State has one player good enough to start at KU. Never mind that K-State lost all 3 games this year, two somewhat handily, (and we all know how hard it is to beat a team three times in one year). Never mind that in Manhattan the term “coaching” apparently means screaming at your players and waving your arms. Rest assured that if KU won 99 games in a row, with an average scoring margin of 80, the entire wildcat fan base would be talking about how the refs have it out for them.

So again, here’s my advice (I like to help). Declare your rival to be Iowa State. That’s a more natural fit. ISU sucks too. I don’t think they have a rival. ISU is a second priority land grant school in a predominately AG based state. They probably have similarly homely women and too many dudes. You already have that “Farmageddon” thing going…

I think the Wildcats have a nice team (I sure don’t want to see them a fourth time). I think Frank Martin is a good coach. I wonder if he may be too good to stay in that Western Kansas hell hole, but you can enjoy him while he’s there. Get excited when that other farm team comes to town. Play “Let’s find the minority in the stands”. Celebrate ridiculous facial hair and make up stupid names for your arena. Sign off with ignorant chauvinistic acronyms. Claim you have tradition. Cite the facial hair, arena names, and acronyms as tradition even if they seem amateurish and unsupportive of your claim. Enjoy it. When ISU beats you, give them credit, but continue to hate them. But for god’s sake, please quit comparing yourself to KU. You don’t measure up. It makes you look terrible both on the court, and off.

I won’t say anything bad about KSU today. I probably should. I definitely could. But somehow it seems cheap after such a great game. Props to Kansas State and Kansas on a great game, great environment, and gut wrenching final 10 minutes.

So what’s a big ol’ pile of farmers to do when it’s too rainy to plant the corn? Well obviously the first and second choices are domestic violence and bestiality. But then what? Talk about the Wildcats of course. So in the interest of protecting innocent women, children, and sheep, we’ll join the fray.

First, let’s go back a couple of months to the search for a new president. You may remember that K-State had it narrowed down to three potential “finalists”, Robert Kennedy, Steve Ballard, and Kirk Schulz.

Then Mr. Ballard visited Manhattan and the wheels fell off. As quickly as possible he withdrew his name saying, “The simplest reason is that Kansas State just didn’t feel as good to me as ECU does. You always learn something interviewing for competitive positions, and this one reminded me what a great place ECU is and how much I like working with the people here.” Translation: “Jesus Christ that place sucks. It smells like cows and it’s in the middle of nowhere. South Carolinians may be fairly ignorant but it’s nothing compared to K-State. Please don’t make me go there.”

Next to bail was Robert Kennedy of Maine. He also withdrew his name from consideration after a visit saying, “While I appreciated the opportunity to be considered for the Kansas State presidency, I am delighted to be continuing in my role at the University of Maine.” Translation: “I’d rather have my nuts frozen to a light pole during an entire Maine winter than spend another hour around those people.”

So that left poor Kirk Schulz as the last guy to withdraw his name. Imagine reverse musical chairs where if you’re the last guy sitting someone smashes your brains in with an 8 pound sledge then puts a purple hat on your now deformed head. For his part Dr. Schulz put on his game face saying, “Noel and I have been very impressed with the passion K-Staters have for their university, and we look forward to being the two newest members of the K-State family.” Translation, “These guys are fucking retarded. If I’d know the other two dudes were dropping out I’d never have let it get this far. I was sure there was no way I could get the job, those other guys have experience leading colleges and I’ve just been an administrator for 2 years. I was just practicing my interviewing skills for a job I really want.”

“On behalf of more than 155,000 graduates, we look forward to the Dr. Schulz administration. We’re very proud of our K-State family, and we know our alumni and friends are excited to welcome him, his wife, Noel, and their family to the university,” Amy Button Renz, president and CEO of the K-State Alumni Association said. Translation, “If we don’t win 10 football games next year you’ll be on the hot seat.” She also said, “We also are grateful to Chair Nelson Galle and the search committee for doing an outstanding job of seeking input from many alumni, faculty, staff, students and the Manhattan community during this process.” Translation, “When 66% of your “finalists” don’t even want the job what the hell have you been doing?”

Oh but if only that were all the news…

Then came the new Athletic Director. Learning from their mistakes, the University chose not to publicly announce the status of the various candidates this time around. When the dust settled John Currie was left standing. While Mr. Currie had recently been passed over by NCAA athletic juggernaut Middle Tennessee State, that just meant he was slotted perfectly for KSU. As is often the case, KSU was excited to get a Sun Belt Conference castoff. There was no public mention of how many candidates removed their name from consideration this time.

When told about his school’s new AD archetypical K-State fan Mathew Hedberg responded, “Oh we’re winning the National Championship for sure now.” When reminded that the Athletic Director probably won’t have an immediate influence on the field Mr. Hedberg responded, “Athletic Director? I thought the AD started between the shooting guard and the power forward in that game with all the black people.” When it was pointed out that the position he was thinking of was small forward and the sport was basketball he just started mumbling incoherently about Darren Sproles and the, “Glory Days.” When it was explained that the, “Glory Days” included 1 conference title and no BCS wins Mr. Hedberg simply cried.

So now with the President and AD firmly confined in their offices what could possibly be next?

How about Fred Brown and Buchi Awaji both leaving the basketball program citing the fact that they couldn’t listen to another season of Frank Martin’s crying about the NCAA selection committee ignoring a team so average it lost to San Diego State in the second round of the NIT. Baylor should have been the next Big 12 team in.

Or we could talk about K-State’s stunning 11th place finish in the academic rankings for Big 12 basketball teams. This was actually an improvement from last year when K-State’s players were so stupid they lost a scholarship. The cutoff for sanctions was 899 and K-State scored a whopping 900. Only Iowa State was worse.

Or what about the now infamous secret deal between Ron Prince long time K-State henchman Bob Krause. The good news is that K-State has found a new low in shady business dealings. This thing makes no-show jobs in New Jersey waste management look legit. Jesus.

Well, hopefully I’ve given you something to discuss amongst yourselves. And remember: hit the sheep, have sex with the wife, not the other way around.

Frank Martin. Really? What’s the deal? Honestly. So he goes on every single freaking media outlet he could find to discuss the travesty that resulted when his team didn’t make the NCAA Tournament. Why didn’t they make it? Well:
1) They’re terrible
2) They played an extremely soft non-conference schedule
3) They lost several of those soft matchups in the non-conference schedule
4) Their RPI was so bad that I’m surprised they are in a BCS conference
5) They were 10-11 against teams in the top 200
6) Seriously, look at #5 again

But here’s the thing about K-State fans – They love to play the disrespect card. They still talk about how they shoulda made some BCS game but didn’t (and they showed they belonged by losing their non-BCS bowl game). It’s part of their culture to whine. So maybe Frank is just trying to play to the crowd. He can’t really be that stupid can he? Obviously they don’t belong.

Anyway, just to emphasize the fact that they didn’t belong, they came out and nearly blew a home game in their opener of the NIT. It was against some school I didn’t know existed. It wasn’t even televised locally, much less nationally. Only a last second tip-in got them to the second round. That’s where they ran into the basketball powerhouse San Diego State University. I mean SDSU starts 5 All-Americans and has 4 more on the bench right? Actually they finished 4th in the Mountain West. Fairly average in a weak non-BCS conference.

End result?

Can we petition the Big 12 to kick K-State out now? Maybe San Diego State would like to join?

So if you know anything about the Big 12 at all, I’m sure you are well aware that KU won the 25th of the last 26 basketball games in Manhattan last weekend. Some “rivalry” right? Last season KSU soundly beat the Jayhawks at home for the first time since early in Reagan’s first term. Led by NBA lottery talents Bill Walker and Michael Beasley, it was not a surprising outcome. They had massive talent and unusually strong fan support. After winning they stormed the floor, declared they would win in Lawrence (they didn’t) and win in Africa (they couldn’t make it to a rematch in either the Big 12 or NCAA tournaments). It was all predictably tacky, uneducated, and thugilicious.

Anyway, a lot has changed since last year’s game. KSU lost their two top players but KU had to replace their entire starting lineup plus an NBA caliber reserve. Since February is neither planting nor harvesting season, KSU filled the stadium with angry, inebriated, insecure, rednecks and they provided a great deal of energy for a team that showed a serious lack of talent in their loss at Lawrence earlier this season.

So the game is close late in the second half when a KU guard fouls K-State’s best player, Denis Clemente. It actually appeared that both players were pushing off the other and got hung up, but the foul was called against pasty little Brady Morningstar. In response to this horrible crime against humanity Mr. Clemente throws an elbow in little Brady’s back. An easy technical foul call was made and KU was awarded two shots and the ball. That was converted into 5 points for a 7 point lead and KU never looked back. After the game Mr. Clemente decided to channel all the academic skills he’s learned while in class at K-State to make this statement:

“I got my respect. You in my house. I ain’t going to let nobody punk me in my house.”

Maybe we’ve discovered the entire incoming 2 point ACT discrepancy right here. I haven’t done the math, but with 18,000 students I think Mr. Clemente would need a score of -36,000 on his test. That actually seems about right.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. After the game it was discovered that this stunning example of the Bob Huggins recruiting philosophy slapped a different pasty player in the back of the head. It went uncalled during the game, but should have resulted in an ejection. Here’s the video, watch the player who blocks out the shooter:

So the video becomes a popular topic in Kansas, particularly in light of Denis’s other thuggery during, and after, the game. What does a coach so ethically strapped that he was actually kicked out of Florida High School athletics do? Suspends him for a non-conference game against an unaffiliated team with 2 wins on the season. Of course! What a statement! Way to say that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. Next time why not just tell him he doesn’t have to run before practice? Or give him an extra allowance? The Wildcat Nation should be outraged but they’re not smart enough to be. Their massive insecurity complex forces them to ignore long term goals for questionable short term gains. Besides, planting season should get started about the time other teams are playing in the NCAA tournament.

Today’s examination is about what prompted K-State to name their stadium “Bill Snyder Family Stadium.”

Frankly, I thought it was weird before they re-hired him. Now it’s beyond bizarre. Can you name another coach who goes to work in a building named after him? So how’d KSU come to this arrangement? Insecurity? A pathological desire to have a “history”? Epic levels of hero worship fueled by a lack of real world knowledge? A weak AD? Lets take a look:

Could it be that Mr. Snyder strung together an incredible streak of Big 12 championships? Well let’s put it this way: Bill Self has won 3 times as many titles in the last 3 years as Bill Snyder won during his entire career. Colorado, Nebraska, and Texas A&M have each fired a coach with the same number of titles.

Perhaps Mr. Snyder stacked up BCS Bowl game wins in such a historic way that KSU felt they had to immortalize him in some fashion? Nope. 0-1 in his only trip to a BCS game, which was notable only because the star quarterback was accused of raping someone the night before the game. Icons such as Dennis Erickson, Jeff Wiessinger, Chris Pertersen, and Lawrence’s own BF Mangino have all won more BCS games. Nebraska won more under Frank Solich and they fired him. None have stadiums named after them to my knowledge.

National championships? Try not to laugh. A perfect season? Nope. Charming personality? Bob Knight is more cuddly. Incredible graduation rate? Something like half his players can read at a third grade level.

In 17 years at K-State Bill Snyder won less conference titles than the law of averages would predict.

Wow.

So what’s the deal then? Well, it’s really quite simple. K-State sucks. K-State has sucked for decades. It’s a land grant school with 60% dudes and an incoming average ACT that unbelievably is nearly 2 points lower than its, “We take anyone” in-state rival. Each year, there are about the same number of attractive women at K-State (20), as American Indians and non-athlete blacks — combined. “Diversity” at K-State is considered to be the guys who plant cotton or sunflowers. With crack academic courses such as goat breeding and field cultivating you can assume that nothing but the best and brightest Western Kansas farm boys will spend four to seven years drinking beer and delaying an inevitable return to the combine.

So who can blame them if they want to memorialize their pseudo-success, they’ve got nothing else in their history that doesn’t completely suck.

I do hope that we’ve conclusively destroyed the moronic, nearly incomprehensible myth that K-State has some level of football tradition that can be compared with KU basketball.