Posted by Tom Remington

Tom Remington

Tom Remington

Tom Remington

So, what is it? As a reminder, this photo was sent to me by Gary Inman in Maine. Gary is a surveyor and needless to say he covers a lot of territory. Gary says the picture was taken in back of an old barn in Newry, Maine and the “thing” was taken from an old barn. He says it is actually the remains of a “six-holer”.

He was also eager to point out that he didn’t investigate closely enough to determine which hole got the most use.

Thank you Gary.

Tom Remington

Dear Colleague,

Is this Speaker Pelosi’s “commonsense plan” for reducing Americans’ energy costs?

NO! to ANWR’s 30 year, 1 million barrel per day supply of American oil

NO! to 2 Trillion Barrels of American oil shale

NO! to more clean burning natural gas

NO! to Clean Coal.

NO! to more energy exploration in the 85% of OCS off-limits to energy development

NO! to more energy exploration in the Intermountain West

NO! to more Nuclear Power

NO! to more Hydropower Energy

NO! to expediting alternative energy development

NO! to any form of energy that will provide meaningful relief from record high energy prices

NO! to 90% of the energy that fuels America’s economy

NO!! IS NOT AN ENERGY PLAN

Tom Remington

Tom Remington

I just received word from Ron Fournier and Gary Inman, outdoor enthusiasts of questionable integrity, burdened with knowledge of the wilds and at times way too much time on their hands. It seems that in their search efforts to locate spring in Maine and bestow it on the rest of the residents of that fine state, they have yet to locate one solitary Mud Runt.

Mud Runts are as important to Maine life as Punxatawny Phil is to Pennsylvania and the rest of America to know when spring is coming. While Ron and Gary are Maine’s leading experts on Mud Runts (arguable), knowing perhaps the very few locations of Mud Runt habitat, it appears that the snow is so deep and hard that even the Mud Runt, with the “alligator-type” teeth, has yet to be able to gnaw its way through the ice and snow.

What this actually means for the residents of Maine is unclear. This is the first time in Ron and Gary’s life they have experienced this kind of natural phenomenon and they appear deeply concerned. There are unconfirmed rumors that back in 1906 the Mud Runts never appeared before July 1 and perhaps not coincidentally all male fishermen grew long beards overnight, had a strong craving for earthworms and couldn’t stop of nervous twitch closely mimicking a cast and retrieve motion.

Stay tuned for continuous updates and we will bring you news of the first sighting of the Albany Mud Runt. In the meantime, I hope you will enjoy the rare photograph taken last spring. Ron reports that when this picture was taken, it was the absolute first time the Mud Runt came out of winter hiding.

Tom Remington

“But Lord,” asked Gabriel, “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Mainers?”

“Not really,” replied God, “just wait and see the winters I am going to give them.”

Posted by Tom Remington

Many people have wondered and longed for Al Gore, the arrogant narcissist who claims to have invented the Internet, to run for the presidency again. It has become clear that he has become obsessed with global warming to the point there is nothing else important in his life anymore. Or is that true?

This is an exclusive story by Skinny Moose Media that will not be heard of or read anywhere else.

Skinny Moose Media sent a crack field reporter to follow Al Gore. With a man of such public prominence, surely there must be something our staff could find out about Al Gore that even the most infatuated of mindless Americans would surely see that the man who invented the Internet and is now about to save the world, while substantially adding to his bank account, is a bit less than godly.

Skinny Moose Media’s head investigative reporter, Hairoldo Rivera, heard of a secret trip Al Gore had planned to visit the Hudson Bay area to see first hand the demise of the loving and cuddly little polar bears. Stories have existed for decades now and nearly cost Gore the Vice Presidency, that he has some kind of sick infatuation with polar bears. It is rumored that since birth, he has kept a stuffed polar bear with him at all times, often between him and his wife, causing stress in their relationship.

Rivera went ahead of Al Gore, who traveled alone, which he almost always did when he visited the Hudson Bay area, to devise a way of being able to spy on Gore without being noticed. He decided to rent a polar bear suit and mingle with the other Coca-Cola drinking bears. What Rivera discovered is shocking and is sure to bring the world to their senses about global warming…..and Al Gore, surely.

It seems that Al Gore is in love. Yes, that’s true. He has fallen in love with a polar bear and it appears that he has used his influence as sole inventor of the Internet, to convince the world that the end is near if we don’t stop emitting carbon dioxide, just for the purpose of explaining his trips to the frozen north.

Rivera, who had some difficulties remaining unrecognized with the other bears (it is bear mating season and they’re shooting another Coke commercial) got as close as he could to Gore and his very close friend, a smallish-sized female polar bear he likes to call Laura. He overheard parts of the monologue of Gore’s (Of course Al Gore, having become so mentally deranged from his work on global warming and protecting his Internet invention, thinks Laura talks back.) Here’s what Skinny Moose Media reporter Hairoldo Rivera heard Gore saying to his little fur ball.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep coming up here like this to see you. What’s that, Laura. No, I have told you before. I will not leave my wife. As much as I love you, I don’t like the cold and you wouldn’t like the summer warmth of Tennessee. I know I told you the earth was warming and all the ice was melting but you have to understand, I did it for you. How else could I explain my repeated trips up here?”

Rivera reports that Gore sat for hours with Laura the polar bear, most often sitting silently and at night they cuddled and watch the Northern Lights.

Skinny Moose Media believes that once this story breaks, those lingering few who still believe in Al Gore will slowly turn their unthinking attention to Barack Obama, someone they can truly believe in.

Hairoldo Rivera reporting – April 1, 2008