It’s a painfully slow news day. I’m sick of writing about dirty, filthy varmints and the sick people who worship them. It tires me to even read about environmentalists who are up to something completely unenvironmental. And so, I made up my own news comprised of a bit of reality and whole lot of snarky fiction.
First the reality. Today, a volunteer in a New York City cemetery found a plastic bag with what is being described as “military-grade” C4 explosives inside. Somewhere in the vicinity, a police officer finds a note on someone’s car saying something to the effect of, I hope you find the stuff, and it was signed Jesus!
Broadcast over much of the airwaves as “breaking news”, we hear that explosives were found in New York and some deranged person believing themselves to be Jesus, left them (or at least that was the implication). It was also said by the police person in charge of breaking the news, that they didn’t know what the person(Jesus?) was trying to blow up.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The media evidently are so intent on sensationalizing the news that even the police are helping out by jumping to conclusions before there are all the pertinent facts needed to draw a conclusion. It seems that it was only within a short period of time once the report came in that a volunteer had found a suspicious looking bag, that police also found the “Jesus” note and it was determined the plastic bag of explosives had been dug up in the cemetery as long as a year ago and set aside because they weren’t sure what the stuff was or what to do with it. Sounds like a terrorist plot to me.
I don’t live in New York. I’ve passed through a few times and the last time I visited the city was several years ago to take in the New York City Marathon. Even I am fully aware that Gotham City is quite ethnically diverse and there’s conservatively probably a few thousand people in New York City named “Jesus”. (Not Jesus Christ)
Has nobody at the New York City police department ever left a note on someone’s car?
More reality……..sort of. I heard a rumor that animal rights wing nuts were all upset because somebody hung a dead coyote on a fence post. Putting together my newly learned science of investigative journalism, I conclude it was Jesus Christ who did it.
More at 11:00!
Tom Remington
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